


July 13th, 1990.

by mousepatrol



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, aka xeno slips into the worst depression of his life and never fully recovers, hes also a massive pothead but thats something that has been going on for a long time at this point, old news pretty much, the calm after the storm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 00:37:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14801001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mousepatrol/pseuds/mousepatrol
Summary: Love what's in front of you, instead of weeping over what can no longer love you back.





	July 13th, 1990.

They always told her to be careful.

The sun was setting, late on that summer day, and warm light slowly disappeared from Xenophilius’s study. A breeze came in through the open window, taking with it a thin trail of smoke that drifted from his remnants of his joint. There were several in his ashtray, both because he couldn’t be bothered to clean it and because he was using much more than any healer would recommend for his usual depression. 

He was slouched back in his writing chair, staring out the window blankly as he rolled up another. It’d been a few months, but the grief had snuck back up on him again and he didn’t know what he was going to do with himself if this kept happening. He didn’t want to live if he was only going to be miserable from now on, and without his Panda bear that seemed like a fair prediction.

But there was one thing that was keeping him from throwing his life away.

“Dad?”

The door creaked open.

Xeno turned around sharply to see his daughter, dressed in her nightgown and ready for bed as she stood in the hallway. She took a step inside and Xeno rushed to cap the different tins of marijuana that were scattered across his desk, calling back to her, “Just a second, love…”

She didn’t wait, though, and walked up to his side with a daydreamy expression as she clutched her mooncalf plushie close to her chest.

“Wait – sweetie, go back outside for a minute,” he told her, trying to seem calm as he put himself between her and his habit, locking everything up in a cupboard that his daughter couldn’t reach at her size.

“I know you do that. It’s okay.” Luna smiled up at her father and he turned to look at her, his eyebrows knitted up in worry. The last thing she was supposed to know about was her father’s borderline-addiction, especially now.

Xeno bent down to her level, studying her face. “Wh-what d’you mean, Luna?”

“Uncle G told me you use that stuff when you don’t feel good,” Luna said as a matter-of-fact. She blinked at him. “Do you not feel good?”

Of course, Gerard… thought Xeno, taking in a little breath. He surely did reek of the drug, and if she had any idea what it was, she would’ve known right away what he was doing. But if his brother had told Luna of his habit, it had to be with good reason. Gerard would never do anything behind his back that was meant to hurt him.  
“Actually… I – I’m not feeling so brilliant, not right now,” he confessed. “Are you okay? Are you tired?”

“A little bit. Sebastian wanted to stay up though, because it’s the full moon. I told him no, daddy says bedtime is soon. But then he thought we should come ask you if we could stay up,” Luna said, tilting her head and smiling. She held up her plushie, Sebastian, so her father could see.

She was so cute it was painful. Every time he looked at his daughter he saw the smile of Pandora, framed by those untamable curly locks and soft skin, golden like honey. But she was gone now, and what he had left was Luna. Xeno leaned forward and took the girl’s head in his gentle hands, pressing a loving kiss to her cheek. “You two can stay up as long as you want, on the condition that you keep me company,” he insisted, pulling back and returning her smile. Xeno stood up, ruffling Luna’s hair as he passed by her and went to sit back down in his chair. 

Luna followed him and climbed up into his lap once he was settled. He wrapped his arms around her and cradled her close as she snuggled into the crook of his neck.

They sat for a few moments in blissful silence, the room growing ever darker, until Xeno’s chest hitched on a breath and his bloodshot eyes began to water. Nothing would ever be the same. No longer would the three of them lie in bed together, telling stories and imagining fantastic creatures. Never again would he and Luna make breakfast in bed for his wife on mother’s day, who would pretend to be asleep and act surprised when they woke her up even though they did the same thing every year. And there would never be another time that they would all sit down with Gerard for Sunday dinner, a full family with beaming smiles and hearts overflowing with love for each other.

There was a hole there that Pandora left, but for Xeno it was a bottomless pit that he felt he could never escape from. 

Without realizing it, he’d begun to cry, and tears dripped down onto his robes in front of Luna’s face. She straightened up and tapped his chest so he would look at her, and he did so as he dabbed at his eyes.

“Are you thinking about mum again?” she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and frowning at his sadness. Never in all of her nine years combined had she seen her father upset for this long; their household was used to being cheerful and her parents’ happiness had been more infectious than their abundant laughter. Sadness was seldom seen and was mended with love and affection, kind words, and support; and that was exactly the way Luna always tried to help her father.

He covered his mouth and cleared his throat, wiping his eyes again as he gave a sheepish chuckle. “Yeah – yeah, I am.”

His daughter studied him for a moment. Slowly, a smile appeared on her face. “You know, thinking about mum should make you happy. Because you were happy a lot when she was here, so why should you be sad when you think about her? She didn’t make you sad.”

Sometimes Xeno wished Luna was just a little bit older – enough so that she could truly understand what the loss of her mother meant. It seemed like she still didn’t exactly get it. “I know, sweetheart, but I’m sad because I miss her. She made me happy when she was here, and now mum is gone so she can’t make me happy anymore.”

“But that’s not fair. You used to tell us not to be sad when we would miss you at work,” she countered with a pout.

He sputtered a bit. She was right, but he didn’t think what he said applied in that moment. “I – but I would always come back, wouldn’t I? I only ever left for a while.” He glanced out the window. “Mum isn’t coming back.”

“Yeah. ‘Cuz she’s still here.”

Xeno sighed and looked at his insistent daughter. “Well, where is she, love?”

She put her index finger to his temple.

“You remember her, so she’s still here. I remember her too, and so does Uncle G. Mum won’t go anywhere as long as we remember her.”

Xeno stared at her. What were they, really, other than memories? He closed his eyes and bit his lip, choking back his tears this time. Xeno felt Luna lie her head on his chest again and he squeezed her tighter, rocking her back and forth. As much as he wished Pandora was still with them to share their love, he felt an overwhelming appreciation for what he did have as the moonlight engulfed the two of them. Things would never be the same, but who said different was so bad?

“What would I do without you, Luna?”

**Author's Note:**

> Drabble written for an old roleplay. Gerard was Pandora's brother (Luna's uncle, Xeno's brother-in-law). Pandora was a woman of colour, and Luna rightly so of mixed race.


End file.
